The One Before the Finale

This week on Gilmore:

Lorelai avoids Luke like the plague, he’s still clueless, and she’s all depressed and convinced they’re never getting married (and I’m starting to believe that more and more every episode).

Rory and Logan are nauseatingly cute as she helps him leave the hospital to go home and recover from his many injuries. Too bad he’s going to London. Or is he?? (That’s just my speculation. I think they might pull a “Oh, he’s gone, how sad” but “Oh wait, he didn’t get on the plane!” kind of thing. But that seems a little too Friends, I suppose.)

Jackson finds out that there is marijuana growing in the “back half-acre” of his land, planted by some former employees. Best line: “I told them to weed the back half-acre, and they’re not the smartest of fellows.” So he and Sookie are freaking out because they could be arrested, and it’s very hilarious, if not completely random. They end up shoving all of it in garbage bags (after Jackson shoots down Sookie’s idea of making “special brownies” with it) and sneaking it around the town square at night, and it’s really hilarious because they run into the minister and the rabbi, who are out for a stroll to talk about God, and this convinces them they’re going to hell.

The troubador appears from out of the woodwork for the obligatory time-wasting scene. What makes it more absurd is that he’s playing in the rain.

Liz returns from the Renaissance fair all giddy because her jewelry is selling like hot cakes, and plus, she’s pregnant! She’s excited, he’s excited, and then she says that TJ left, and Luke freaks out while Liz says she’s perfectly calm because of her new “take it as it comes” philosophy. Luke is understandably baffled, and you can see him imagining the ways he’s going to pulverize TJ.

Doyle and Paris watch Logan convalesce while Rory is out, and they give an enthusiastic review of “the penguin movie” (which I also recommend), and Logan calls Rory and tells her they must leave. While on the phone, one of the peons at the paper shows Rory an article about Logan’s dad, in which he mentions Rory as one of his “success stories,” and Rory is all indignant about how it seems like she is just another feather in Mitchum’s hat. I think she completely overreacts about this, since it was like ONE SENTENCE, but whatever. She rants to Logan, who tells her (wisely) to get over it, but she can’t so she calls the writer of the article and asks for a correction. The writer tells her she can’t print a correction to an “impression,” and so she finally gives up.

Luke finds TJ at a bar and confronts him for leaving Liz and the baby. He’s like, “Uh, dude, she kicked me out.” Luke’s like, “What?” Turns out Liz got mad at him, told him he wouldn’t be a good father, that he would mess the kid up, etc. etc., and then Luke realizes what’s going on. He tells TJ that Liz is really worried about what kind of mother she’ll be but she’s taking it out on TJ. He says sometimes women say one thing, but are thinking something else entirely. It’s the man’s job to figure out what she really means. Really, Luke? Can you see that big fat plank in your eye? Wake up and smell the dysfunction!

Emily calls Lorelai in a panic because her Lasik eye surgery went “bad” and now she’s temporarily blinded and needs supervision. So Lorelai goes over and ends up having to run her around town, which includes a stop at the realtor’s office. Lorelai can’t comprehend why in the world Emily would need to stop at a realtor’s office, even though I’m pretty sure everyone else has guessed by now that she’s buying Lorelai a house for her and Luke to live in. Lorelai looks at all of the pictures, and it’s a beautiful house, and Emily gives this lovely speech about how she and Luke need a bigger place for when they have children, and she knew she wanted something near Stars Hollow, and this place is only an extra ten minutes drive to the inn and five to Luke’s diner. It’s so sweet and touching, and then Lorelai starts crying and says the wedding is never going to happen, and then we see Emily feeling her way over to Lorelai and placing her hand on her shoulder as she cries. That’s about when I started crying. Those two women are top-notch actresses.

Later that night Lorelai goes over to Sookie and Jackson’s because she’s avoiding Luke, and she comes in and sits down dejectedly. Then she asks, “What’s that smell?” and Sookie replies, “68 pounds of pot.” Lorelai says, “Huh,” and roll credits.

So sad! Luke and Lorelai are never going to get married. I just may have to quit watching! (Or not.)

P.S. Has anyone seen Bee Season? It’s the most confusing movie ever. The whole time we were watching it, Liz and I kept saying, “What?!”

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