My Body Hates Me

Or it’s rebelling against me. It all started last Friday with a one-hour massage. I’ve had several one-hour massages in my lifetime, and they’ve all been wonderful experiences, so when Hubby gave me one as a Valentine’s gift, I was ecstatic. Unfortunately, this experience was not so great. The woman who gave me the massage went rather deep because I told her I liked pressure, and at the time it felt amazing. However, a few hours after the massage, I developed a sharp pain around my right shoulder blade and collarbone area. At one point it was so bad that I couldn’t inhale without it hurting. This lasted for all of Saturday, preventing me from working out, but on Sunday the pain was gone so I went to the fitness center that afternoon. Of course, you all know what took place during that little visit (my unfortunate unconsciousness).

Now I have developed another issue: my knee. My left knee has been bothering me sporadically for a few weeks, but never to the point that I couldn’t still exercise, since it only hurt when I bent it a certain way (I thought I had just done something to it while sleeping, perhaps). This morning, though, it hurt just to try and get out of bed. Now almost any movement causes it to ache. So no workout today. I’m not really sure how to treat my knee or what’s causing the pain, but I really don’t want it to keep hindering my exercise.

Let’s recap, shall we? In the past four days, I have only exercised twice. I don’t like that one bit. I’m already worried enough about next week because we’ll be in Illinois visiting Hubby’s family and then I’ll be in Knoxville, which means I’ll be out of my regular exercise and eating routines. I really wanted to make this a super good week to counterbalance what probably won’t be a very great week next week, and now I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Now that I’ve rambled on about my health (what am I, 80?), what do I do? I have to trust that my efforts are benefiting my body in some way, even if that doesn’t show up on the scale when I weigh in on Friday for the first time in three weeks. The whole point of that 3-week challenge was to lessen the control of the scale in my life, but I don’t know that it’s been entirely successful. Otherwise, would I be scared of weighing in on Friday? I shouldn’t be. It’s just a scale. JUST a scale. The only harm it can do to me is what I allow it to do, and I don’t want to give it the power! I will NOT.

To live is CHRIST, not the scale! My strength is from Him, my hope is in Him, my love is for Him. If I were half as concerned about my relationship with Him as I am my weight, what progress I’d make! I don’t want weight loss to become an idol or an obsession in my life; I want it not to be a replacement of God but an extension of my love for Him, a way of honoring Him and being a good steward of the body with which He’s entrusted me. My body is going to pass away, but He lives forever, and I will one day live with Him! I can’t even fathom that! Therefore, I will NOT lose heart, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL.

Amen and amen.

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One thought on “My Body Hates Me

  1. Erin, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’re already succeeding at changing your lifestyle, which is a really hard thing to do. With your new way of living, the weight loss will take care of itself.Does your workout center have a pool? Maybe you could swim for a low-impact workout.On the other side of your fear is freedom from the scale.“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”–Marcus Aurelius

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