Confessional

1. Sometimes I still have no idea what I’m doing with this whole weight loss thing.

2. I have a hard time accepting compliments. I have gotten better about externally acknowledging them by saying, “Thank you” instead of “Are you crazy?”, but I still very much struggle with this internally. Recently, when I changed my profile picture on facebook and got about 20 comments about how great I looked, I freaked out and changed it to one with both Stephen and me in it because I felt weird having so many people make comments. I also felt like somehow that picture didn’t really show what I looked like because of the angle it was taken, so if they had seen me in real life, surely they wouldn’t feel the same way. And just today I saw someone in the hall, and when she told me I looked skinny, in my head I thought, “Ha! I hardly think that’s an accurate adjective to use for me.” How twisted am I??

3. I look at my body in the mirror and fear I will never like what I see. Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware of how far I’ve come, but what if I get to my goal weight, and I still don’t like my body?

4. Mere hours after writing my post about 100-calorie snack packs and healthy snacks, I ate 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a piece of white bread. Well, 3 cookies and one tablespoonful of dough. The white bread had fallen out of the package, and it looked so good and I hadn’t had any in so long (my husband eats white bread) that I ate it. It wasn’t that good. Wheat really is better. Now I know.

5. Just about every day at 4 p.m., I am plagued with a strong case of the munchies. Almost always I either fight the urge or eat something healthy, but sometimes I fail. (See #4.)

6. I still really love pizza. And potato chips. And McDonald’s french fries. I just don’t eat them in the massive quantities I used to.

7. I don’t push myself hard enough in my workouts. There are certain exercises I know I could do, but I intimidate myself to the point that I just do the same old things I’m used to doing.

8. Related to #7, I don’t like trying things I am not sure I will be successful with. This is a horrible character quality I need to fix. However, I think I made a huge leap in this category when I went to grad school. I really thought I wouldn’t make it.

9. I am a firm believer in the ability of my family and friends to do big things with their lives, but I rarely apply the same type of optimism to my own life. How depressing.

10. I find it easier to be open and honest on my blog than in real life.

After writing this out, I realize how negative a lot of these things are. I fill my mind with so much negative self-talk and don’t allow myself to think on whatever is “true, excellent, pure, and praiseworthy.” I need to learn the practice of taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.

What about you? Anything you’d like to confess? 🙂

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9 thoughts on “Confessional

  1. I too worry that I will never be happy in the mirror. I found pictures of me from college and I was horrified at how much weight I had gained. Eventhough I’ve lost 30 pounds, I don’t see it anymore. I see the same ole Caroline. I understand completely. I just ate Buffalo Wild Wings while watching “The Biggest Loser”. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration and you’re AWESOME!!!!

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  2. Here’s my confession:I am really insecure about my complexion because I had acne as a teenager and still have some acne, so I untag myself in facebook pictures where I think my face looks red or pimply because I think I look bad.How I’m working on this? I’m using Proactiv now and moisturizing my face to try to minimize the redness and wearing a mineral-based makeup that’s supposed to help my skin as well as cover blemishes. I’ve always been jealous of people with flawless skin, so I’m trying not to compare myself to that anymore and just take care of my own skin as best as I can. 🙂

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  3. my confession…well i rarely ever think of myself as pretty, and not because of some particular feature, i’ve just always felt that i’m sort of weird-looking. in high school it used to really bother me, especially since my two sisters are crazy-gorgeous then there was me, the weird-looking one, but then as i got older i just started to focus on my studies more and not care what i looked like so much. when i start to feel down about it, i look at pictures of famous poets and how weird-looking they are, then i feel better.

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  4. Hey E. I will add my “AMEN” to this. In a LOT of ways, I am right there with you–especially with a fear to try new things that I may fail at. I.E. I have never written anything but papers because I bet I will suck at it.Recently, I started sleeping in a sports bra, and I have caught myself thinking, I don’t look that bad in my undies–I won’t wear a bikini anytime soon, but I can live with this as long as it is healthy. Seriously–you should name your negative-talking alter ego and tell her to SHUT UP. You are wonderful and we all know it.

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  5. Ohhhh confessions! This is good! I am trying to work on my entry about me like you did a few days ago. As soon as I get that done I will post some confessions on my health blog too! THIS IS GREAT!!! I am there for you girl if you need some support – yOU KNOW THAT!

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  6. Excuse me while I comment on every single post on your blog 🙂 ha!Well, since I agree with every single number you listed above, here are my thoughts listed out:1. Yep, ditto2. I agree, it’s hard to accept them compliments – what is wrong with us?!!3. 90lbs later and I still am not happy. WHAT WILL IT TAKE????4. ugh – I’ve so been there!5. my time is earlier, about 2pm6. That’s all that matters, is the quanity!7. I’m stuck here…aaarrrggg8. Totally relate – I need to look outside of the box9. Sometimes, its just way easier to talk about things then it is to actually do them ourselves.10. Ditto – that’s why I blog!haha…ok, I’m a dork.

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