1. Sometimes I still have no idea what I’m doing with this whole weight loss thing.
2. I have a hard time accepting compliments. I have gotten better about externally acknowledging them by saying, “Thank you” instead of “Are you crazy?”, but I still very much struggle with this internally. Recently, when I changed my profile picture on facebook and got about 20 comments about how great I looked, I freaked out and changed it to one with both Stephen and me in it because I felt weird having so many people make comments. I also felt like somehow that picture didn’t really show what I looked like because of the angle it was taken, so if they had seen me in real life, surely they wouldn’t feel the same way. And just today I saw someone in the hall, and when she told me I looked skinny, in my head I thought, “Ha! I hardly think that’s an accurate adjective to use for me.” How twisted am I??
3. I look at my body in the mirror and fear I will never like what I see. Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware of how far I’ve come, but what if I get to my goal weight, and I still don’t like my body?
4. Mere hours after writing my post about 100-calorie snack packs and healthy snacks, I ate 4 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a piece of white bread. Well, 3 cookies and one tablespoonful of dough. The white bread had fallen out of the package, and it looked so good and I hadn’t had any in so long (my husband eats white bread) that I ate it. It wasn’t that good. Wheat really is better. Now I know.
5. Just about every day at 4 p.m., I am plagued with a strong case of the munchies. Almost always I either fight the urge or eat something healthy, but sometimes I fail. (See #4.)
6. I still really love pizza. And potato chips. And McDonald’s french fries. I just don’t eat them in the massive quantities I used to.
7. I don’t push myself hard enough in my workouts. There are certain exercises I know I could do, but I intimidate myself to the point that I just do the same old things I’m used to doing.
8. Related to #7, I don’t like trying things I am not sure I will be successful with. This is a horrible character quality I need to fix. However, I think I made a huge leap in this category when I went to grad school. I really thought I wouldn’t make it.
9. I am a firm believer in the ability of my family and friends to do big things with their lives, but I rarely apply the same type of optimism to my own life. How depressing.
10. I find it easier to be open and honest on my blog than in real life.
After writing this out, I realize how negative a lot of these things are. I fill my mind with so much negative self-talk and don’t allow myself to think on whatever is “true, excellent, pure, and praiseworthy.” I need to learn the practice of taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.
What about you? Anything you’d like to confess? 🙂