The blog was kind of quiet last week, and to be honest, it is because I didn’t want to have to admit to everyone that I was not doing well with my healthy lifestyle. To recap: I ate out 4 times, I only exercised twice, and I basically was apathetic and lazy. Not my proudest moment, for sure, and so I avoided the blog. However, I know that I can’t just gloss over last week but that I need to address it, so this is me addressing it. This is me admitting that even after losing almost 75 pounds, I still don’t have this whole thing figured out. I still make really bad choices some days. I still wimp out on exercise. I still doubt that I will reach my goal. I still struggle with feeling insecure and wondering why I don’t see more real changes in my body after having lost so much weight. I still fear that I will gain all my weight back. I still lose control with food. And while individually all of these issues are not so hard to deal with, it seems that I had to battle all of them last week, and I just didn’t want to. I want to be one of those people who doesn’t have to think about every morsel of food that goes in my mouth, but does that person even exist? I don’t even know, but if such a person does exist, I am not sure I will ever be at the place where I won’t have to think about what I eat to some extent, and that is discouraging.
However, I think my tendency to dwell on the negative is what stalls my progress many times, so I don’t want to sit around and think about the person I am not; I want to do everything I can to achieve what I know is possible! I have to remember what I have accomplished by adopting this lifestyle. I have lost 74 pounds. I went from barely being able to tolerate 10 minutes on the elliptical to running a 5k, and I am running even longer distances than that. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 16. I have excellent blood sugar levels, good blood pressure, and a healthy resting heart rate. I am active (well, except for last week), and more often than not I enjoy exercise. The Erin of two years ago could not say ANY of these things! And even though I have imperfect weeks like last week, I keep trying. I will not give up. I will not go back to who I was before beginning this journey. I am going to finish what I started.
Despite the disastrous week, I miraculously maintained my weight of 187.4, and I hope that next Monday I can say goodbye to another pound. The plan is to achieve all of the goals I set for September. More than that, however, I want to look back on this week and know that I gave it my best effort, not just a halfhearted attempt. If I give it everything I have, then I how can I not succeed?