Jen, whose blog I love and read every day, asked me some great questions about my weight loss. Initially I was going to just answer one, but they are all kind of connected and are important, so I am going to answer all three of them in separate posts (since my attempt to write concise answers to each one failed miserably).
“How have you dealt with the emotional effects of losing weight? Do you see yourself at the weight you really are?”
Emotions (and my inability to handle them properly) played a huge role in why I became fat, and they continue to play a huge role in how/why I lose weight. I think that part of the reason my weight loss has become stagnant is because I haven’t really gotten to the heart of all the reasons I gained weight in the first place, so they are still there below the surface. I struggle with being afraid of getting to my goal weight because then what happens if I gain it all back? I also don’t know how to handle compliments well, though I have gotten better. It both flatters me and bothers me a bit when people say, “You look beautiful! I didn’t even recognize you” because then I think, “Was I so ugly before?”
I do have a hard time knowing what I “really” look like now; sometimes I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be surprised by what I see. I can’t get an accurate image of myself in my head, if that makes sense. Oddly enough, I had this problem when I was obese. I often told myself I wasn’t that big, and it was only until I would see pictures that I realized how fat I was. I don’t know how I can look in a mirror and not see what’s really there, but I do it all the time. I still imagine myself to be very large, and every now and I then I will realize anew that I am not so large anymore. I’m not skinny by any means, but I have lost a significant amount of weight and am not the same person I was when I started this weight loss journey. I am working on loving my body and appreciating all it allows me to do.
What about you? Do you see yourself in an accurate light?