Facing the Fear

If you’ve followed my blog for the past several months, then you know that I have struggled to see the scale move much at all. It took me about 4 months to lose 10 pounds, for example. Not exactly rock star weight loss results. Still, I am in this for the long haul, so I’ve lost some of the urgency I used to feel about reaching my goal weigh. However, I realized something recently that I think may help explain why my weight loss has been so slow.

I am scared to reach my goal weight.

It seems ridiculous that I would be scared of a goal I have spent over two years working towards, but it’s true. I am scared that when I do see that 161 on the scale, I won’t feel happy but will instead look at myself and think, “This is what 161 looks like? This isn’t what I thought it would be at all.” After all, I only have 15 pounds left to lose, and when I look at my body right now, I still see a lot of fat and a lot I wish were different. How much could my body really change with 15 more pounds gone? I am scared I will feel disappointed and discouraged. I have been aiming for that magical 100 pound loss for so long that I have built it up in my mind to something that at this point probably won’t meet my expectations.

So where does that leave me? What if I reach my goal weight and I am not happy? Do I try and lose more weight? But what if I reach THAT weight and am still not happy? Will it ever end? It’s clear to me in writing this that if I am expecting weight loss to be some sort of panacea for my life, then I am definitely placing my trust in the wrong thing. Perhaps instead of being so focused on the number on the scale, I need to deal with the attitude of my heart. My outward appearance is not the most important thing about me. Far from it. My relationship with God and with my husband and family, my internal character–those things are important. Ultimately, I need to come to terms with my own vanity and pride and lay them down. When God looks at me, He sees His child and loves me RIGHT NOW, in THIS MOMENT. Maybe it’s time I start doing the same.

Can anyone else relate to this? Or am I just nuts?

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8 thoughts on “Facing the Fear

  1. Oh, you are so singing my tune. I have only lost 35 pounds and need to look about 65 more. I feel pretty good right now-but still could feel a lot better. Never been at a normal weight-do not know how it really feels. I am at a weight by body was at for a long time and use to right now. I have been asking myself what fear is holding me back to achieve the healthy life that I deserve? Do I fear that it keeps me safe from disappointment? Do I feel that I will be different and not like where I am if I thinner? What is it? I have been praying over this question.

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  2. i understand…while I am NOWHERE near my goal, I have been there before and even when i was literally SKINNY I wasn't happy. It is all about confidence in Christ. Hoping for you to face your fear boldly!

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  3. Is that how it feels? I am fairly new in the journey so obviously THIS feeling may come to me a long time later. But here's a thought, are we ever satisfied with the way we look? No! We are never! One way its good, cuz that's what pushed us into losing weight. But we have to learn to accept the rest, or we'll never be happy! Do not fear, face it. Once you reach your goal, you'll know what to do. I saw the pics, your journey has been amazing, do not lose to fear NOW.

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  4. You completely hit the nail on the head. I was thinking about this just earlier today! Last year, when my goal was simply to lose 52 pounds in 52 weeks, I was stoked. This year, when my goal is to hit my goal weight, I feel immobilized by fear and frustration. Will I look good? Will I be happy? I'm so afraid to find out what it will be like. Will I be hot? is – of course – the main question on my mind.

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  5. this is deep! i don't feel that way at all, although i can understand you being scared of feeling like “OMG…this is it…after all of that?” however, look at it from the other side. instead of examining all your flaws at 161 think about all that have disappeared!!! i'm sure that list is much longer!

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  6. I can understand the fear. When we started our weight loss journey I was resistant because I thought it meant I was vain/superficial/shallow. I have issues with following arbitrary social “decrees” like “you have to be skinny and beautiful.”

    I could be wrong, but to me it sounds like you may have been focusing on the What (goal to lose 100 lbs) and lost sight of the Whys. Remind yourself of why you are doing this. You want to avoid diabetes and heart disease. You want to live a longer life. You want to do normal things like go shopping with your friends without being so conscious of your size.

    Also think about some new whys. You are becoming stronger. You can run 10 miles now. Could you do that before? I bet there are a lot of other strength/endurance things you can do you that you haven't done in years.

    I think the following quote is helpful, too:

    Good health is not a destination; It is a journey.

    When you reach your goal, you will not have “arrived at” good health. That will just be a checkpoint in your journey to good health. Not because you will need to lose more weight, but because even if you choose to never lose another pound, you'll need to say on that journey to maintain yourself.

    Keep up the good work!

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  7. Oh yeah, me too. I told myself I'd be happy at this weight, but I still am disgusted with the mirror. But, that's not why I'm here. So I focus on why I am here, which has nothing to do with how I look!

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  8. I think as Christ followers, in order to not be swept in culture's way of thinking about weight- i.e. you must be skinny to be beautiful and so others will look at you and think you look great- we have to fix our eyes on the cross. It is hard to not become consumed with onesself when you are losing weight because it is so easy to fixate on how much I've lost, how far I have to go, etc. However, the primary focus of our lives and top priority is to focus on Jesus and advancing the Gospel. This year is the first year where there has been a shift in the way I view my struggle with weight loss. I would love to be thin and look great but more important than that is that my body is the Temple of God and to treat it like trash is just not God honoring. I need to be healthy because God deserves that kind of a vessel. I really think my mindset changed as I spent consistent time in the Word and prayer every single day. Keep on setting goals…it's healthy, but focus on Him and being your best because He deserves nothing less. It's so not easy…but that shift in focus is definitely changing me and my battle.

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