Weigh-in Wednesday-Scaling the Wall

Last week’s weight: 190.8
This week’s weight: 191.2
GAIN of .4 pounds

I’m not surprised, and I’m actually relieved it’s only a .4 gain.  For whatever reason I am just stuck, mentally and physically.  I told Stephen the other night that I was going to give up on weight loss, and I was only half joking.  I think I am just tired, so very tired, of trying to lose weight.  I’ve been doing this for the better part of 3.5 years.  What’s hard is that I know other people who would have already lost their weight and been maintaining for 2 years, and yet here I am, still trying to shake this excess weight.  Yes, I did have a baby not even 5 months ago and was pregnant for 9 months before that, so my weight loss was interrupted, but I think I’ve just sort of mentally checked out, and the scale is reflecting that. 

Stephen and I talked about it, and while he said he would support no matter what, he said he would hate to see me get so close to my goal only to give up now.  The truth is, I would hate it too.  It would be one thing if I could honestly say, “Okay, I am happy where I am.  I feel good about my body and about my health, so I will just stop here.”  But I can’t say that, not at all.  I am not happy with my body and I am definitely not living as healthy as I need to be, so if I were to stop now, I’d be giving up on myself, selling myself short and possibly cheating myself out of a better life.  What sense does that make? 

Somehow I’ve got to get over this wall I’ve been facing.  Right now it seems insurmountable, but I know it’s not.  Even as I wrote this, the Lord brought Psalm 18:29 to mind: “With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.”  Sure, I’m not facing a literal troop, but I’m definitely in a battle for my life. As I read more of Psalm 18, I couldn’t help but see the parallels between facing an actual battle and facing a battle against sin, which is precisely what I’m doing.  God promises not to leave us alone in this battle, but to arm us:

It is God who arms me with strength
   and keeps my way secure.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
   he causes me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
   my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You make your saving help my shield,
   and your right hand sustains me;
   your help has made me great.
36 You provide a broad path for my feet,
   so that my ankles do not give way.  
37
I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
   I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
   they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
   you humbled my adversaries before me.

With my God, I can scale this wall.  I can win this battle.  And so can you.   

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5 thoughts on “Weigh-in Wednesday-Scaling the Wall

  1. Hey Erin! I've been fighting my weight since I was 10, so I know the frustration you're talking about.

    Here's my unsolicited advice (and what I've found has helped me):

    1. Give yourself the same kindness you'd give anyone else. That means forgiveness, understanding, etc., but

    2. Push yourself harder than you'd push anyone else.

    3. For me, realizing that I have to eat *something*, so I may as well make it healthy seemed to alleviate what I felt was the “undue” burden of meal planning and all that. Eating healthy is only a little bit more work than not, and you're always worth that little bit of work.

    4. Exercising is harder. I can't imagine working in my workouts (ha!) with an itty bitty baby. I know the moms around me tend to go to gyms with good childcare. My YMCA will watch up to three kids (on one account) for up to two hours a day. It's $43/month for a one-person membership.

    Accountability tactics (like partners or blogs) never worked for me. The only one that started to work was the spreadsheet method. (I just logged everything I ate on a spreadsheet. Not very high-tech.)

    But Stephen's right. You're closer than you think and closer than you feel. And we're all cheering for you!

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  2. Also: I am someone who can gain 5 pounds in a weekend. Seriously. Not water weight. Fat. I always struggle with the “unfairness” of it all.

    And then I have to ask myself, would I rather be X or able to eat anything I wanted without gaining? I know that if I were thin, I'd eat terrible food, so I'm actually to a place where I can see the benefit in being “forced” to eat cleanly. (I might even live in Chik-fil-A and donuts. Ug. Can you IMAGINE?)

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  3. Hi, Erin – Let me encourage you. We exchanged emails about 2 years ago – I wrote you telling you that we were about the same size (in the 180's weight wise) and shared how I liked reading your blog because we were on a similar journey.

    A few months after that, life took its toll and I gave up on weight loss.

    A 45-pound gain later (and I DIDN'T have a pregnancy+beautiful baby to blame) and here I am again, willing the scale to go DOWN.

    I love My Fitness Pal. Have you joined? I am boyflowerbird on there. . .the food diary is easy and the database has EVERYTHING in it. That has helped me a lot. MFP will calculate your calories for you, etc.

    I have also started writing more at my blog. So let's reconnect again. Girl, even after a baby you are still about 15 pounds lighter than me. So keep your chin up. I'd love to be in the low 190's!!! It's a better place to start than 206 where I am now (I was 225 in mid-April). And starting again is better than giving up. For me, giving up often leads to gaining and I'd hate to see that happen to you.

    Hugs – Amanda

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  4. Oh, Erin, hang in there! .4 pounds is not a problem. You were down 2 last week. Also, don't forget, muscle weighs more. Even if you aren't weight lifting, you are lifting a baby all over the place. This could account for your small gain. I'm rooting for you!

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