Beauty

I realized something the other day that truly depresses me.  Here is a picture of me taken when I was 10 weeks pregnant:

First: Good gracious, I look at that picture and see an average-sized woman. Yes, I still had weight to lose, but I look pretty healthy, I think.

Second: See that shirt and those pants, both of which were favorites of mine? I can’t wear either item of clothing now. So even though I have not been pregnant in 7 months, I cannot wear clothes that I wore when I actually WAS pregnant. And at 187 pounds (which was what I weighed the first of this month), I am not an average-sized woman. I’m not sure what I weighed in that picture, but I would guess I was probably around 175 at that point since I was 170 when I found out I was pregnant.

In reality, the difference between the me in that picture and the me of present day is roughly 12 pounds, and yet it seems like a lot more. None of my clothes fit like they used to, and fat has taken up residence in places it had previously vacated.  Those days of my thighs not rubbing together? Long gone. Even pants and shirts that I know I wore previously at this weight don’t fit me now.

I’m living in a different body, and I don’t like it very much.

I realize this line of thinking is unhealthy and unproductive and yet I can’t shake a feeling of disgust when I look at myself in the mirror. Many days I despair of even getting back to that pre-pregnancy weight, much less reaching my ultimate goal weight.

But then I look at this face:

And suddenly, everything is beautiful.

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4 thoughts on “Beauty

  1. She is adorable!! I can totally relate to you with the weight in areas it wasn't before. My stomach is still too thick for my liking, and its so much harder to get rid of then what it used to be prior to Troy being born. You'll get there girl, its all about baby steps, tracking your food is a great place to start. Im sure you already take walks since thats like the #1 starter workout for us post baby mamas, but thats also a huge help. Add in some hills and work that hiney!

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  2. Hi sweet friend. I so feel you. My clothes fit differently too now that I'm not pregnant (and haven't been in 15 months!). I probably weigh the same as when I got pregnant (maybe even a pound or 2 less), and I hate the way I feel. I am hoping the jogging I'm doing will help… if only to make me feel better that I'm doing something positive for my body.

    I think my weight is distributed differently now. My chest is actually a bit smaller(!) and my tummy is much bigger now. Weird. But Mark is totally worth it.

    You will get back into those clothes. You are still a VERY NEW mom and you are going through a HUGE transition to parenthood. You now have 2 full time jobs on top of your marriage, extended family, etc. So, give yourself grace. Focus on your healthy habits (exercise, water, fiber, etc.). And forget the scale and the clothing that doesn't fit. Hide it in another closet if you need to for now.

    When Charlotte is one or a little older, you can give yourself permission to focus some extra energy on this. But right now, girl, just be and live and love. God holds you in the palm of his hand and loves you just as you are. And so do we!

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