Weigh-In Wednesday: Weary

Weight on February 20: 168.6
Weight today: 169.6
GAIN of 1 pound

Is anyone really surprised by this? It seems like lately gaining weight is what I do best. I am flirting with the 170s, and I really don’t want to be in the 170s again. I spent the bulk of 2012 there, and I’d love to spend the bulk of 2013 in the 160s, or even the high 150s. I have done better with my eating choices recently, and I’ve even managed to make it to the gym several times, but I am not consistent enough with these actions to really see results, as evidenced by this weigh-in.

Honestly, I’m weary of this whole struggle. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. As long as I can remember I have been overweight, even in elementary school. I get so frustrated with the fact that I am sitting here obsessing over food when there are babies without parents, people without food, etc. Considering the serious problems of the world, this issue is ridiculous. I hate that something as trivial as food consumes so much of my thoughts, but I fear that if I didn’t think about it, I would end up weighing 300 pounds. I desperately need to find balance.

I long for a day when I can just eat a meal and not agonize over what’s on my plate. I long for a day when my thoughts aren’t consumed by food, but I don’t know if that day will ever come. I don’t know if I will ever find true freedom from this. Sometimes I am grateful for this struggle because it has helped deepen my dependence on God and kept me humble, but then I also know that I am not meant to live in bondage, so I don’t know what to think.

What I do know is that I am a child of God, and He loves me in spite of the mess I make of my life at times, and I am deeply grateful for that.

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3 thoughts on “Weigh-In Wednesday: Weary

  1. Hi Erin! I love reading your posts because I relate very closely. What I found really broke me out of the “worrying about my scale weight” mode was weight training. I care most about body composition, so I celebrate other victories. FWIW, I fluctuate 10 pounds (155-165) and stay around a size 8. At one point, I was 135 and a size 10-12. With weight training, I totally changed the shape of my body, so I wasn't just relying on the scale–which gives ONE option for success–to know that I was getting healthier and smaller. And the great thing about weight training is that it doesn't take very long to do each week. The cardio cycle tends to creep up, so you have to do more to see the same results.

    That's all just my two cents. You know your body best!

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  2. That sounds like good advice: I know when I took a break from rock-climbing over the holidays, I put on a ton of fat around my waist and hips. I could barely zip any of my jeans. My metabolism has changed in my 30's, and I have to either work out really hard, eat a restrictive diet, or gain weight. I had to either buy new, bigger clothes or hit the gym really regularly again.

    Try not to feel too weary. You've lost so much weight and kept it off, even throwing childbirth into the mix: that's an amazing feat! You should be proud.

    No one has exactly the same situation as someone else, but I think many of us have to to constantly think and work to keep from gaining weight. I've been thin all my life, but now I have to be very careful or I just balloon. I wish I could still have my 22-year-old body and do whatever I want and not think about weight, but age gets us all.

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  3. Casie, I definitely think there's a lot of merit to what you say. I admit to doing absolutely NO strength training recently, probably not much at all in the past 6 months. I have known for a while that I need do more of that, but I just have a hard time getting motivated when it doesn't give me the same sense of satisfaction after I'm done. I need to get out of the cardio calories-burned mindset and realize that there are other benefits to strength training.

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